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Weak IX

26 February 2026

No. 9,718 (cartoon)

You can’t tell me that wasn’t the best sex ever.

That wasn’t the best sex ever.

What is it about you and zoophilia?

27 February 2026

Russian Spy Lookalikes

Here’s my favorite headline d’jour:

Nomma Zarubina, convicted of lying to the FBI, is the latest Russian woman accused of using her sexual wiles for spying.

(I know I used that same “headline d’jour” setup less than a week ago, but it’s such an easy, lazy way to begin that I may continue to do it weakly. I wish I’d thought of this thirty years ago, a familiar lament.)

I only needed one glance at Nomma Zarubina to conclude the obvious: she’s a Russki spy. I know this by studying Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale’s fiendish schemes. I compared a couple of images I saw on the Internet; Nomma and Natasha look like they could be twins.

Who said, “If you’ve seen one slinky, sultry, Russian spy, you’ve seen ’em all?” “No one” is the wrong answer, since I just penned the phrase with my keyboard.

28 February 2026

Smell Recorder and Amplifier

I enjoy being a human most of the time. It may not be ideal since all of us will die soon—many sooner than we think—but it can be fun while it lasts if you do it right.

I especially appreciate the tools that enhance my perception, such as photography for vision, and audio recorders and amplifiers for hearing. But something’s missing: a smell recorder and amplifier.

I’m sure someone will create such an invention, but probably not until after I’m very dead. That’s one of those problems that’s not really much of a problem if you think about it, and even less of a problem if you don’t.

People a century ago didn’t lament that they didn’t have computers, couldn’t travel on a jet airplane, or microwave frozen food for dinner, because almost no one could imagine the wonderful [sic] world we occasionally enjoy. And so, I won’t be able to share the same olfactory experiences a dog enjoys(?) without a smell amplifier, and that’s fine with me. I already know very well how dogs smell: awful.

1 March 2026

Toilet Paper Rolls

Annie has half a dozen cardboard toilet paper roll cores (is there a simple name for those thingies?) stacked against the wall on the handrail beside her toilet.

“Why?” I asked.

Guess!” she replied.

So I did.

To make you think of the passing of time? As a reminder of your own mortality? To prove that you’re not full of crap? Just another stupid art project?

“Not even close!” she laughed. “I’m just too lazy to take out the recycling!”

Dang, slashed by Occam’s razor again!

2 March 2026

Roger Deakins on Cinematography

“Argh!”

That was Roger Deakins’ initial response when asked, “What is cinematography?” He rambled on a bit about working with hundreds of people before concluding, “I suppose I’m not answering your question, because actually I’ve got no idea.”

I appreciated his honest answer, even though it wasn’t very illuminating. I wasn’t disappointed, though, since I’m happy to remain almost completely ignorant about how big-budget movies are made. What’s a “best boy?” What does a “grip” grip? And why do you need more than one of each?

I think the visual part of making a film involves a director, a set designer, a lighting designer, a this designer, and a that designer, so what, if anything, does a cinematographer do in addition to pushing the right button on the camera when the director yells, “Roll ’em!”

To quote Roger Deakins, “I’ve got no idea.” And it will probably stay that way. When it comes to creative pursuits, collaborating with anyone is anathema, so the idea of working on a film with one or two hundred of people is anathema times one or two hundred.

3 March 2026

Heavenly Meat

Wanda and Joel are arguing about the morality of eating meat, a debate that never ceases to be tiresome. She maintains that since humans are carnivores, and carnivores eat meat, therefore humans should eat meat.

He counters that humans are different than other animals, and many believe that they, but not other animals, will enjoy some sort of heavenly afterlife once they’re dead. And thus, the only ethical meat to eat is human flesh.

Wanda describes herself as “a slave to the cheeseburger,” and Joel will never admit to losing an argument, so I can see how this will end: never.

4 March 2026

Frozen Poisoned Apple

I grabbed a few apples at the Rich Bastards Club at the airport; each of them was encased in clear, plastic film, presumably to preserve the pesticides and herbicides on the skin. I decided to photograph the faux Christo and Jeanne-Claude fruit, but I didn’t know how or why until I saw the melting snow on a tree trunk.

It took several attempts before I made an acceptable photograph, and then I was left with one more conceptual hurdle: color or greyscale? The color version was real purdy; that’s why Frozen Poisoned Apple is in black and white.

Coming next weak: more of the same.

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©2026 David Glenn Rinehart